For those of you out of the loop, the SO broke up with me saying I "just didn't make him happy enough anymore."
"Happy enough," I thought? Isn't that something of one's own creation, not a reflection of how much someone in your life gives you, fills your well, and dotes on you? And if they make you "happy" but not "happy enough" what is the tipping point that puts you in one category and not the other? That allows you to be together for over five years then decide its not enough? I realize this is more a reflection on the SO and not on me, yet being the one dumped still hurts.
As I always do, I look for the positive, "how has this made me stronger" side of things. Knowledge is valuable and I have learned much, both about myself and relationships while with the SO. I learned I can love with all my heart, but that doesn't mean someone will get out of bed before two in the afternoon to have lunch with you. I learned you can want to go to an event, but if the other person refuses to make up their mind until hours before said event starts, your life will always be in free fall with no real direction or fun things to look forward to doing. I learned that making plans on your own will be the precise moment when this person will want to do something with you. I learned that breaking up and getting back together with the promise of "things will be different this time" only lasts for so long. All these things, the ups and downs, things getting better, us drifting apart just drains energy and doesn't make it sustainable.
And that's okay; not everything is meant to last. I can walk away with my head held high, knowing I gave it my all, loved fully, showed extreme gratitude and there is nothing I could have done to create a different outcome. I honored all that I hold sacred in a relationship and sometimes these things just don't work. Sometimes you have to love yourself enough to know when to throw in the towel and walk away, reclaiming your life for yourself. Instead of dividing priorities, deferring to the idea of "don't make waves" I've decided its time to put me solely first. I've always held the belief that its this or something better.
I'm ready for the something better.
My income won't support a decent life in Connecticut or New York City, at least not one that yields to my obsessive need to live indoors while not having my car stolen in my sleep.
I've got a few things in the works that, with luck, will pan out. In the meantime, I will keep doing what I do best, keep shining and moving toward my "better"!
9 comments:
Here's to your something better!
Shine on, indeed. I'm looking forward to following your journey as you shine ever brightly and move toward your better.
So happy that you're blogging again.
Welcome back to blogging (I feel like I've been out of the loop for quite some time!).
Sorry to hear about the SO, but you've definitely got the right attitude. You're a strong woman and I know that this will only make you stronger.
Sending good vibes your way.
So sorry about your breakup. Being left hurts the ego horribly, but you've got the right attitude. You did nothing wrong: SO needs to feel better than he does and probably doesn't know what to do to make that happen.
Blaming the breakup on you ("just didn't make him happy enough anymore") shows that he's not ready to take responsibility for his own unhappiness. Many people want/expect their partners to make everything all right, which is unrealistic and simply impossible. You did nothing wrong at all. Remember that now! It's absolutely true.
Glad to see you blogging again. I've missed you!
So glad you reached out with the link.
Here's to EVERYTHING better not just something.
Miss you!
Oh, V, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Even if it is the right thing (and it sure sounds like it is), it's a tough transition, nonetheless. But you're strong, and I know you will shine on. You have all of our support if you feel you need to call on it or us.
It is neither your responsibility nor your relationship's responsibility to make the SO happy. Placing that expectation on you and the relationship is dooming it to fail. A healthy relationship is one that offers support when things aren't happy and celebrates when they are. This is not about you not loving enough or offering enough, I'd say it's just a sign that it just wasn't right for either one of you. Knowing that may not make your transition easier, but you'll reach a point where you look back and find yourself stronger because of it.
You will be so much better!
From my experiences in our own marriage and in the premarital classes we've done for others facing long-term commitments, it is a REALLY good thing this person is gone. Even 5 years is a long time to have to deal with what sounds like a certain lack of respect on the other party's part.
You are totally right about every relationship being a learning experience, though - that's how I always looked at my past relationships and I think it is really beneficial.
Can't wait to hear what you decide to do next!
I agree with what J said above. Enjoy the future, and all that it will hold.
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